I just finished reading Factotum by Charles Bukowski this afternoon. I was very excited when I started reading it, but by the time I finished it I was a bit low on spirit. I don’t know was it the effect of Chinaski or me! To a great extent we were alike, except that he changed jobs frequently while I stick to one. But the low side was same. And the courage he had to write such thing is missing in me.

I mean you can only understand what I am taking about is only when you read the book. It is a shit load(in his language), but that is something that matters. He showed the glamourless life of a struggling writer, something that I have lived for several years while my struggling days in Delhi. I also remember the crude remarks made by the person whom I was living with. I have great respect for his intellect and his knowledge, but on personal front he is a failure.

He pulled me down and called me things no one else would. I am going to write everything that he has done and others have done to me in my next novel. I think that is where Chinaski would encourage me. To be blunt and candid not only to others but to me as well.

Chinaski also showed how dirty and filthy woman can be, none of his woman was graceful. They were all fallen. In my life I have came across same woman, but there are a few graceful too. But, the grace is only as long as I am doing what they want me to do.

Indian woman are strange. They are non-ambitious, they just want a handsome fuckable guy next to them.

They are pretty interested in pretty faced who they can fantasize fucking them hard in bed and they can get wet. But, on the exterior, they would pose to be the most same person around.

I also fantasize fucking beautiful ladies, but in the end I want someone who is as intelligent as I am, if I am!

And there are very few, and those few are the only ladies I am still in touch with. Those are the ones who still held their heads up with some grace. Rest of the ladies, have their heads hanging down, looking at the cocks they think of being fucked up at night.

Arnie